Adopting ?

The following is A View from Someone Who Adopted

I had a chat with someone who had adopted 2 children recently. For the sake of his family, his identity will remain private (though he personally believes there are no secrets in this world). Suffice to say, he’s an ex-colleague of mine.

Having gone down the route of every fertility treatment known to Man, the couple was still childless. Age was a factor. And all fertility treatments take a darned long time, because every test, every procedure, every try is based on the menstrual period. I can totally relate with this. Can you believe that it was in March this year that Yi Lin and I first stepped into a hospital to get medical help for our situation? And officially, we’ve only ‘tried’ twice, with the second round of IVF only done 2 weeks back! I’m not complaining though. Some couples have to go through the “taking pills and supplements” phase, the “pick the exact right day and time and temperature” phase, the IUI phase before they get to where we are.

If I had to go through what my ex-colleague did, I’m pretty sure that there will be a lot of relief mixed in with the frustration and disappointment that nothing worked. I’d have thought, I gave it my best shot, to the best of my ability while balancing time and finances. And frankly, how many people do I want looking up my wife’s legs to figure out what’s wrong there? (Coincidentally, my iTunes has just shuffled up the song Keep ‘em Separated by Offspring. Ha!)

Back to my ex-colleague’s story.

“Dannie,” he says, “Now that I’ve adopted, the only regret I have was why we took so long to go into it!”

“We’ve been trying for children for so long, and have even gone to London’s Harley Street to seek help. But no one was able to help and no one could even figure out why! Then the Boxing Day tsunami struck Sri Lanka…”

The couple saw the thousands of children orphaned by the devastating waves. Lives lost. If not lost, irrevocably changed. And something struck a chord within them. There are children out there whose lives will be cruelly snuffed out, or will be abused, or will be turned to crime if they are not adopted and taken into loving families. Why can they not take in a child who desperately needs a family?

“But Dannie,” he warned, “Do NOT adopt on the rebound. You will feel depressed after fertility treatments don’t work. And your wife will also need time to adjust from whatever hormonal changes her medication caused. Sit back, think it true, and do not make an emotional decision.”

Wise words indeed. It never occurred to me that people might adopt on the rebound. Looking at how happy he was while talking about his children and how he loves them as his own, I’m glad that someone’s story worked out so well!


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